Is This Real Life? Why, Yes. Yes, It Is.

I genuinely enjoy Valentine's Day.  I loved it even when I didn't have anyone to call my Valentine.  All the candies and flowers and happiness that float around make me feel full in the typically cold quadrant of my chest where my heart should be.  Maybe it's the optimist (that sometimes comes to visit) in me that makes me all mushy, but I can't help it.  I LOVE love.

And this year, I'm worse.

I'm in a post-Valentine's dreamland, where everything is fluffy bunnies and the world is throwing up rainbows.

The boyfriend (Mr. Wildcard) sent me a spectacular, just right for me, surprise Valentine.  I was speechless.  Okay, okay, maybe not speechless.  I kind of yelped and carried on and was VERY LOUD, but the sentiment was still the same.  Someone cared enough for me to send an incredible, memory-making present.  Basically, Mr. Wildcard hit it out of the park, definitively.

Here is the part where I usually go on and on about how I couldn't believe someone would go out of their way for me, but this year it's different.  I've found someone who loves me the way I should be loved.  Someone who cares for me the same way I do for them.  I appreciate the effort and the thought  behind his gift immensely and I'm wowed, but at the same time I deserve this happiness.

When someone does something nice for us, we sometimes think, "Why? Why would they do that for me?"  That's not the point.  The point is they did it because you're worth it.  When you become concerned with the 'why's' you miss everything that is so great about that moment.  Just sit back and know that they did what they did for you because they probably think you're just as awesome as you think they are.

As much as I talk about how great I am, I don't really rate myself well.  I mean, sure I'm comfortable in lots of situations, smartish, pretty in a Drew Barrymore/goofy face kinda way, tall, subversively comedic, good with strangers, polite, thoughtful, have nice penmanship and about 10,000+ other wonderful things...wait, what was I saying?

In all honesty, I'm always astounded when someone wants to date me.  I don't get it, but the cool part is, I don't have to.  Mr. Wildcard doesn't love me in spite of my dorkiness, disproportionally loud laugh and crooked smile, he kinda loves me because of those things.  And who am I to argue?

Accept the love you're given.  Give the love you feel.

It's as simple as that.

~j

Now You See Him, Now You Don't

Some guys are really good at what I call "The Disappearing Act."  I'm not sure if they watched too many reruns of 'Breaking The Magician's Code' or if they want to have a Vegas act someday, but a few of them have perfected the art of vaporization.  They were around, active, interested and then, *poof* they're gone. Lame.

I started thinking hard about this when a friend from college related a story to me about this guy she was dating.  (A little backstory on her: She's sweet, kind, smart and thoughtful. She once bought me a DVD of our favorite Keri Russell TV movie-which I still have. She is a delight, I tell you.)  Basically, everything was fine and then he stopped returning her texts/calls.  He just vanished.  Barring his actual death/dismemberment - which I have not been informed of - there really isn't a reason to all of a sudden stop communicating with someone.

And let me clarify something for you; this was an ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP.  They were official on the Facebook.  He sent her flowers multiple times.  They went on frequent dates.  Everything was just peachy keen, from what I understand.  They talked about having dinner on a Saturday and when she checked in with him on that Saturday, he never texted her back.  He didn't follow up with her the next day either.  She finally called and left him a message that basically said, "Hey, if you're done, that's cool.  I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in one with me."  And she STILL didn't hear anything.

I don't get it.  If, at any point, you don't want to date someone anymore, why don't you just vocalize your problem?  Anything could have happened to him, as far as I know.  He could've been abducted my aliens.  He could've been struck with a hammer causing a case of amnesia.  He could've been recruited to the CIA.  He could've been placed in the Witness Protection Program.  A million things could have happened, but how likely is that?  I give the listed things the same odds as I give the chance of John Cusack meeting me and falling madly in love: 0.000000001%.  (Although we can all agree, if he did meet me he would be endlessly charmed and surely would fall in love, can't we?)

I just think he stopped calling because he was a coward. 

And he's not the only one of his kind out there.  If you don't want to have a relationship with someone, just say so.  Sit down and have an honest conversation with that person.  They might hate you at that moment, but in the end they don't have to question what happened.  They know.  There is a definitive answer.  It's the only fair thing to do.

Listen, I understand that some people avoid confrontation and awkward conversations like I avoid the guy selling those hair straighteners in the mall.  No one wants to have to broach that topic, no one wants to be the bad guy.  I get it.  I wouldn't want to have a conversation like that either, but what is the point of treating someone you liked at some point (we hope) so callously?  By just evaporating, I think the person experiences a greater heartache.  They sit there and think that they were too forgettable or unimportant for a phone call.  How cruel.

Do the right thing, vanishers.  Sit down.  Talk.  Be the 'bad guy' for a split second.  You'll be glad you did.

~J