Now You See Him, Now You Don't

Some guys are really good at what I call "The Disappearing Act."  I'm not sure if they watched too many reruns of 'Breaking The Magician's Code' or if they want to have a Vegas act someday, but a few of them have perfected the art of vaporization.  They were around, active, interested and then, *poof* they're gone. Lame.

I started thinking hard about this when a friend from college related a story to me about this guy she was dating.  (A little backstory on her: She's sweet, kind, smart and thoughtful. She once bought me a DVD of our favorite Keri Russell TV movie-which I still have. She is a delight, I tell you.)  Basically, everything was fine and then he stopped returning her texts/calls.  He just vanished.  Barring his actual death/dismemberment - which I have not been informed of - there really isn't a reason to all of a sudden stop communicating with someone.

And let me clarify something for you; this was an ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP.  They were official on the Facebook.  He sent her flowers multiple times.  They went on frequent dates.  Everything was just peachy keen, from what I understand.  They talked about having dinner on a Saturday and when she checked in with him on that Saturday, he never texted her back.  He didn't follow up with her the next day either.  She finally called and left him a message that basically said, "Hey, if you're done, that's cool.  I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in one with me."  And she STILL didn't hear anything.

I don't get it.  If, at any point, you don't want to date someone anymore, why don't you just vocalize your problem?  Anything could have happened to him, as far as I know.  He could've been abducted my aliens.  He could've been struck with a hammer causing a case of amnesia.  He could've been recruited to the CIA.  He could've been placed in the Witness Protection Program.  A million things could have happened, but how likely is that?  I give the listed things the same odds as I give the chance of John Cusack meeting me and falling madly in love: 0.000000001%.  (Although we can all agree, if he did meet me he would be endlessly charmed and surely would fall in love, can't we?)

I just think he stopped calling because he was a coward. 

And he's not the only one of his kind out there.  If you don't want to have a relationship with someone, just say so.  Sit down and have an honest conversation with that person.  They might hate you at that moment, but in the end they don't have to question what happened.  They know.  There is a definitive answer.  It's the only fair thing to do.

Listen, I understand that some people avoid confrontation and awkward conversations like I avoid the guy selling those hair straighteners in the mall.  No one wants to have to broach that topic, no one wants to be the bad guy.  I get it.  I wouldn't want to have a conversation like that either, but what is the point of treating someone you liked at some point (we hope) so callously?  By just evaporating, I think the person experiences a greater heartache.  They sit there and think that they were too forgettable or unimportant for a phone call.  How cruel.

Do the right thing, vanishers.  Sit down.  Talk.  Be the 'bad guy' for a split second.  You'll be glad you did.

~J