A few weeks ago, Mr. Wild Card and I got into our first fight. Wait...let me clarify: by fight, I mean, I yelled at him, he really didn't know what I was mad about and oooooh, was I mad. This is where you're like, 'Ooh, gurl! What did he do?,' but it's not that simple. In fact, I kind of had no leg to stand on, when you get down to it.
Here's a Cliff's Notes version of events for you:
We had a great night. Really, we did. It was New Years' Eve and we were out with people we liked and everything was perfect. My heart was exploding in sincere thankfulness that I got to spend such a super evening with someone I was growing to love. We tweeted our affections to each other. We kissed at midnight. We shared the first moments of 2013 together. It was a good memory-making night.
At the very end of the night, I somehow winded up with possession of his phone. I mean, he hands me his phone all the time - it wasn't any different than usual. Now, I'm not a snooper (yes, I know every girl says that, but I really try not to be) and he tells me everything, so I had no reason to be concerned anyway. I have never felt, not a single time, that he wasn't telling me the truth.
Anyway, back to the phone: I flipped through his pictures, looking for one we took together, so I could send it to myself and post it to Instagram. I found it and went to close the phone, when IT happened. I promise you that it was an accident. I swear on my cardigan collection, I wasn't looking for anything.
I'm not sure how (my clumsy Yeti fingers are at fault, I'm sure), but I ended up in his text message. (Hey, hey, it's a common mistake. Isn't it? *gulp* Yes, I'm aware of how bad this sounds.) I ended up seeing a message from him to one of his friends and it hurt my feelings. It wasn't anything too terrible and had been written a really long time before, but it still made me sad and angry. The problem? I shouldn't have been looking at the messages in the first place.
Let me put this into context for you: I was reading the things his friend was writing (which was about their relationship) and it was getting interesting. He was saying super nice things about me and how his family liked me and how I'm so great (I'd go on about all that, but you're already aware of my good points, so I'll move on). I mean, I had to DIG through the messages to get to the bad one. Like, load the page a few dozen times. Bad Jeana. So, so bad.
I was like a person possessed. I couldn't stop. I'd never had that inclination before and it was a hard realization that I had invaded his privacy. It didn't matter what he said to his friend, that was between his friend and him and was written in confidence. I wasn't supposed to see it. I took things out of context and just railed on him. It came out of nowhere for him on a night that was otherwise terrific. I spoiled it because I got nosy.
Now, he's not completely faultless here. He did something that warranted my anger, but it's almost a Catch 22: I wouldn't have been angry if I didn't let my curiosity be my guide. The whole thing wouldn't have happened if I has just stepped away from the phone. I learned a really hard lesson here: the only thing you gain by violating someone's trust is guilt. Maybe you don't know about something for a reason, a good reason. Maybe it's saving you some grief and overthinking. All truths come out eventually, right?
Even from this bump, something good happened: Mr. Wild Card and I got closer. We worked through it. He was patient with my hesitation. He didn't hold my clear invasion of his personal property against me, in fact, he apologized. He never even got mad. He had every right to be upset with me going through his stuff, but he chose not to and I'm not sure why. He's way better at this whole dating thing than I am, obviously.
Everyone, no matter how much they usually aren't, can be nosy. They can go past their typical boundaries and be a snoop. And then there are other people who are just snooptacular. They are like private investigators. Either way, you've got to fight that feeling. You've got to understand that if you're supposed to know something, you'll be told eventually. You've got to let trust rule. A relationship just isn't going to work otherwise.
I've learned my lesson and hopefully you've learned from it too.
~J
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