Complicated Is Overrated

One thing I've noticed in dating Mr. Wild Card is that everything was just so easy with him.  We became 'official' with minimal talking - he initiated the conversation and I was more than agreeable.  We made it official on Facebook without much push and pull.  We were able to transition into saying "I love you" easily.  All of these things made sense in the moment, there wasn't any hesitation or backpedaling.  It was so easy.

It made me look back at some of my old relationships and realize that all the times that I have become a couple with someone, it was just as easy.  (Now, the breaking up part wasn't so easy, but such is life.)  There weren't any guessing games or having playing my cards close to the vest - it was easy.  Huh.  I think I'm onto something here.

See, the thing is that sometimes girls, young women, ladies or other such feminine creatures make relationships a lot harder than they need to be.  They make non-relationships harder than they need to be.  (Note: I make everything harder than it needs to be - sorry, Mr. Wild Card.)  It doesn't have to be that way at all. 

If you are supposed to be dating someone, it's going to happen.  There's no amount of scheming, make-up, pouty faces, purposefully missed calls or causal run-ins that will make anyone want to date you more than they already do or do not.  You can't create a situation in which you suddenly become more desirable to someone who just isn't interested.  Why waste all that effort and subject yourself to heartache when that person you're putting on a pedestal doesn't even have you on their radar?

Advice tells you not to be too available, not to talk too much, not to be too needy, not to pry, not to monopolize all their time, not to do this and that.  It's garbage.  There is no cocktail of behavior that can make someone want to date you.  Be yourself - your person will care about you no matter how much you talk or how often you call.  The person that you are supposed to be dating will find the amount of time they see your face just right or not enough.  Your partner will care about hearing you complain about work, will tweet at you no matter how busy they are and will like when you post pictures of you and them on every social media outlet in existence.  Your person will love you no matter how you act - they love you because you are you. 

Why, then, do we make it so complicated?  Because the heart wants what the heart wants?  Because endless books and articles about dating tell us too?  Forget that.  You aren't supposed to convince or persuade someone into a relationship.  It's meant to be easy and natural; we all need that reminder every so often. 

So, get rid of the notion that there is some magic to dating.  It's straightforward.  You like someone and they like you and you spend time together and if you still like each other, you continue to date.  Simple.

Here's to more simple in 2013.

~j