No Date For You!

There are worse things I can be than 30 and unmarried, right?  Let's name some: a serial killer, a terrorist, a thief, a liar, a dead person.  Those are way worse, but I guess maybe I'm underestimating the weight of my new age and my relationship status (or lack thereof).

I am turning into a pariah.

Okay, okay, it's not all that harsh, but I'm the last of a dying breed.  In certain circles, I'm an anomaly.  (I have to admit, most of my closest friends are married and many of them have children.  And good for them!  I'm a little envious!)  The other day, someone older told me that I need to date everyone and anyone, because time is of the essence.

What in the what?  Are you for serious?

Just because I want to find a partner doesn't mean I shouldn't have standards.  It certainly doesn't mean I should go out on date with someone I don't want to - if I did that my dance card would be full of old, hairy men and young guys with no job and a really bad McDonald's habit.  There must be dealbreakers.  That comment drove me to compile a list of my 'dealbreakers.'

I will probably not date you if:

• You aren't close with your family, for no good reason.
• You are too close with your family.
• You are void of personality.
• See also: a sense of humor
• You smell like day old bread, rotting garbage, and/or like you haven't showered since 9th grade.
• You bear any resemblance to the lead singer of Nickleback, my father or any of the members of One Direction.
• You listen to and like Nickleback and/or Creed and/or any other type of grandpa rock.
• You don't get my references to not-so-obscure 80's movie - this probably means you are too young to date me.
• You wear white tennis shoes.
• See also: skinny jeans.
• See also: cowboy hats, if you are not a cowboy.
• See also: eyeliner, if you are not a rock star.
• See also: tapered jeans.
• See also: jeans with overly embroidered pockets.
• See also: women's clothing.
• You use more skin products than I.  (Nearly impossible, so I'm giving a wide berth here.)
• You are rude, disrespectful or otherwise in need of an etiquette class.
• You have dated anyone I know for longer than 3 months.
• You have multiple children by a variety of women.
• You do not laugh at my jokes.  I am funny.  You should laugh.
• You cyberstalk me.
• You quote me...to me.

That isn't a lot NOT to ask for, is it?  I don't think so either.  I'm glad you agree.

~j

In The Land of Blood and Thirty

Today is my 30th birthday. 

Yay?

I'm excited because birthdays can be fun and I have the distinct feeling that is one is going to be extra great.  On the other hand, I'm getting a little bit contemplative.  I had this idea of what my life might look like at 30 when I was younger and nothing is really like I thought it would be, but that's not necessarily bad.  There is a reason why my life is like it is and am I ever grateful for that.

I woke up this morning feeling no different, but the fact is guys, I'm really getting old.  It's true.  I'm not young anymore.  I mean, I still feel young-ish, but I'm an actual responsible adult and choices I make now are typically thought out and premeditated.  When I was younger I didn't give a care!  Now, I think about the consequences and rewards.  When did I become this person?  I guess somewhere between 20 and 30 I actually learned something that resembles maturity. 

I drew up a list of things that are different now that I'm 30 from when I was 20:

• I'm not able to stay up late and wake up early like I did in college.  (Well, the afternoon naps really helped with that ability, I must say!)  I can't function the next day.  I'm miserable until I get to go to sleep, which is usually at about 9:00 p.m..
• Speaking of going to bed early, I do that now.  A lot.
• And I nap, not out of laziness or staying up late, but out of necessity.
• I don't care what people think about me.  I like me.  I am pretty awesome.  If you don't feel the same, that's really your problem to deal with, not mine.  (And I mean that in the most gracious of ways.)
• I'm unapologetic about my beliefs.  God is amazing and does incredible things in my life everyday; I'm never going to be quiet about that.
• I'm way more willing to try new things.  
• I'm much cuter now.
• No, really.  Much cuter.
• I'm lumped into a older age bracket.
• Creepy old men don't leer at me as often.
• I have winkles, legitimately use eye cream and worry about fine lines.
• I get heartburn. From: Just. About. Everything.
• I worry about my cholesterol.
• When I like an article of clothing, I actually think "is this age-appropriate?"
• My dreams are more realistic.  Instead of daydreams about becoming a great singer/songwriter or meeting/marrying Luke Perry, my visions are of paying off my school loans and buying a hybrid car.

I can't say that any of those changes are bad.  They are just my way of developing into a slightly better version of who I was before.  Well, hopefully I'm better.  I'm more confident and, as a result, happier.  I don't like the fact I have to check a new age range box, but it happens to everyone.  All children grow up. 

In fact, being the youngest in my new group feels pretty good - it also means I may be able to actually win something in a race now!  (Honesty moment: Let me tell you something, racing against nubile 21 year olds is not good for your self-esteem.)

I'm looking forward to the challenges and celebrations that this year brings and being able to share that with all of you.

~J   

Did I Do That?

Remember those cards that my friend gifted to me?  Well, I bucked up and actually gave one out. 

(I think I just heard an audible gasp...) 

I was leaving a baseball game (natch, 'cause what else do I do these days?) and decided just to be bold and give a card to this guy that had been sitting near me at the game.  I didn't know him, but he laughed at my lame jokes and that was good enough for me.  After joking with a friend about how he wasn't going to call because he thought I was probably a major weirdo, I got a text from the guy. 

WHAT?!?!?!  HE ACTUALLY TEXTED??!!? These things might really work! 

I was proud of myself, for many reasons.  I actually took some initiative and put myself out there and nothing bad happened.  And even if he didn't text or call, I didn't lose anything.  I learned a little bit and gained a little bit of confidence.  I felt the realization that I can totally do this whole dating thing come over me.

I can feel you asking, "What about the guy? What happened?"  Well, he ended up being from Montana or Idaho or another one of those states with a population of 4, so it wasn't going anywhere.  He also was extremely interested in ONE thing and, well, that certainly wasn't on the table. 

Sidenote: I did pause to think about how giving out a card looked, after this instance...was it too forward?  Do I look like I'm ready "for a good time"?  Cause I really don't want a "good time," I mean, THAT kind of good time.  A good time, like, eating a yummy meal and playing mini-golf or shopping, is okay and actually a good time.

After this mild success, I felt up to the challenge of handing out a card or two.  I happened to go on a little trip with some of my besties last weekend and those cards were burning a hole in my pocket.  We went out for dinner for a birthday celebration and there was a group of guys behind our table.  I noticed a cute little nerd in group and thought, "I'm going to give that dork a card!" And I did. I cut a piece of birthday cake, put the card on the plate and took it over to him.  He sent me a text or two, but I wasn't sweating it.  I was too focused on the fact that I am, in fact, amazingly awesome.  I've started to believe in myself so much that approaching someone isn't scary, it's just fun.

Watch out kids, Jeana's back in town and she has some cards to give away.

~j

Hey, Young Girls

My sister turns 25 today.  While we have our similarities, we're pretty opposite in a lot of ways - we look different, we respond to problems differently and we like to do different things.  Those opposing mentalities used to be an issue when we were younger (she tried to kill me by banging my head on our porcelain bathtub when she was 5, but that's another story altogether), but now I've come to admire some of her strengths that I simply don't have.

She is smart (naturally, she is related to me after all), hard-working, funny (not as funny as me though), really pretty (like, seriously pretty...it's a little sickening), determined and a good mom.  Most of all, she is independent and knows what she wants, which is what inspired me to write this blog today.

It seems that young women I speak with from 18-25 don't know what they want and simply date people for the sake of dating.  They put 1,000 pounds of make-up on while wearing 3 inches of clothing and go out to pick up a guy for the night.  Some of these girls are so concerned with getting a boyfriend that they do practically anything to make that happen.  It's sad and a little desperate.  

My sister is different.  She doesn't play games.  She is unconcerned with relationship drama.  She refuses to take nonsense from guys.  She's a straight shooter and isn't afraid to tell you how she really feels.  She's strong.  She doesn't need a guy around for her to feel good about herself.  She even speaks up for me and I'm the older one.  I respect all these things more than I think I've ever said.

I'm usually timid.  I deal with a lot of stuff from guys that my sister wouldn't put up with - she ain't got time for that!  I am always afraid of offending someone, so I tend not to say what I'm really feeling.  I'm always thinking that I'm the one who's not good enough.  I think that there is a lot for me (and all those young girls) to learn from how she acts and reacts in dating.

Thank you, sister, for teaching me all this stuff.  You're the best.

~J

I Think I Want To Know Ya

I'm about to reveal something personal to you, something that has become a habit for me.  It's a little weird and I've found I am now little addicted to doing it. 

I look at the 'Missed Connections' on Craigslist almost daily.

(For those of you who don't know what that is, here's a little description: there is a section of Craigslist where people can post messages to look for someone they saw in passing, didn't get to really speak with, but want to get to know.) 

I stumbled upon it one day a few years ago when I was trying to sell some video games and fell in love with the whole notion of it.  Not only is it a cute idea, but it's romantic at its very heart.  People post with the hope that the zing they felt for a person wasn't just one sided.  They write a message and put it out into the universe, optimistic that somehow the person they saw in line at Kroger or passed by on the jogging trail is looking for them too.  It doesn't get much more starry-eyed than that.

I'm sure everyone has a story of someone they saw once or twice and thought, "I wish I had talked to that person."  I would be lying if I said I hadn't regretted not talking to a couple of guys I've seen over the years.  This little corner of Craigslist allows the possibility for people to take their own destiny in their hands!  It's just so terribly sweet.

Now, I'm not saying that every post is romantic.  There are some that are mostly about someone seeing someone 'hot' and even though they are married, they wish they could just SEE them again.  And, of course, there are the creepy ones.  (It's Craigslist, so naturally there would be some strange listings...it would be weird if there weren't a few.)  Even so, some of the posts are just so full of hope that it makes my little heart sing. 

The whole thing is a little bit of optimism for a pessimistic world and that's all I need.

~J

With A Little Help From My Friends

I guess I didn't realize how many of my friends were actually reading this thing, until I started getting comments about some of the things I've written.  I'm grateful (and incredibly surprised)  that anyone wants to spend their time reading my slightly humorous (maybe) and fully embarrassing (totally) musings.  I know that you're sticking around for bad date stories - which I'm sure will come soon enough - or to find out what hijinx I've gotten myself into, but I figured out something that can make this reader/writer relationship mutually beneficial. 

After mulling over the fact that my friends read this blog, I had an epiphany.  Why am I not using my most valuable resource to get dates?  It's right in front of my face.  My friends, gentle reader, are an untapped source of potential dates.  Somebody I know has thought to themselves, "This doctor/lawyer/professor friend of mine is amazing!  He would be perfect for Jeana."  (And if you haven't said that to yourself, then you should start thinking that way.)  I think that I've stumbled onto something that could be great.

I'm ready to go on a date and, possibly, write about it.  That's where my friends come in!  Any one of them might know someone who wants to date a smart, tall, educationally overachieving, loud laughing, curly haired, over-sharing, friendly half-Mexican.  (That's me, by the way.) 

How have I not thought of this before?  Or maybe I have and was just too shy to put it out there.  Either way, it seems like a good idea.  I go on a date and then write a little bit about it, without regard to whether it was the most amazing, life-changing date or the worst, soul-sucking encounter ever.  I've got to have a friend who'll take the bait, er, who'll be sweet and set me up with someone.

So, who's first?

~J

To Text or Not to Text, That Is The Question

Over the Labor Day weekend, I hung out with some friends I don't get to see enough.  I was excited to spend some time with them because they're a blast and they have fun friends, which is always good.  When we got to the place we were going, I noticed there was a guy there I had met before, who I thought was cute.  The last time I saw him, he was funny and seemed sweet - he even asked me to dance (brave guy).  For some reason, I didn't think he would remember me, but he did.  Huh.

As the night progressed, I talked to him a little bit and joked around a little bit.  My first assessment wasn't wrong, he was a nice guy.  Being honest, as I usually am with you dear reader, I even flirted a little!  (Well, it was flirting for me anyway.)  Things were good.

Then, there was an awkward moment.  His (well-meaning?) friend came over and basically suggested he get my number.  Cut to me, looking mortified.  I was blushing and completely nerdy.  I said that he didn't have to do that, but he said he wanted to.  (UH, no you don't, you're just being kind!)  After remembering how to speak English and recalling my number for him, he said something like, "Well, now you have it, text me if you feel like it," rather nonchalantly.

Now, I was never expecting him to ask for my number and didn't feel like he was too interested anyway, so I didn't send a text or call.  He didn't send me anything either.  I figured he was being nice, which he probably was, but after talking to some other people who were there, I think I might have misread the whole thing.

Apparently, he chose to sit next to me, even when his friends went off to play pool.  I guess he was a little flirty too.  And maybe his friend was playing matchmaker because he's a little shy?  Was I just not tuning into what was happening or was I right about the whole thing all along?

Whatever the case is, enough time has passed that sending a text now would be weird.  I've also learned in the past few days that I am a yellow-bellied, lily-livered coward.  I get so concerned about the outcome, I don't try.  I really need to get over that - how is anything going to change if I don't try?

Let's all hope that next time I choose to be a little bit bolder.  And by a little bit, I mean just enough to actually send "Hi" in text.  Baby steps guys, baby steps.

~J