The World Wide Dating Web

I've got to confess something to you guys - I have delved into the world of online dating.  I'm taking it seriously too.  There are so many reasons behind it, but I think the simplest of those is the fact that I just don't meet very many new people.  Of those I do meet, only a small portion of those are guys, and of those, an even smaller portion are single.  I needed a bigger pond from which to fish.  Building a profile on a trusted site was easy and made me take a step of my ever-narrowing comfort zone.

This whole online dating thing is kinda crazy.  At first, I was super overwhelmed.  THERE ARE SO MANY GUYS! AND THEY ARE ALL SINGLE!  You have to sift through so much information looking for a suitable match.  (By the way, people really put a lot of information in their little profiles - but that is totally helpful.  You find out a lot of stuff and get a feeling for their personality.)

Once you have somehow located someone you are remotely interested in, you send them a message.  Then you wait.  If you're lucky, you may get a message back.  Then whole back and forth communication starts and you're trying to be the best version of yourself, but somehow you find your dorky little habits creeping in.  And if you're super lucky, you might actually get a date.

There are plenty of downsides though.  See the thing is, you can see people who view your profile.  So, these are guys who looked at the pictures you've painstakingly cropped and the answers to questions you spent an afternoon pouring over, choosing just the right words and decided, "Nah."  I'm okay with it, but I'd rather not even see that part.  I don't really need to know that.  I really could go the rest of my life and not see who's 'viewed me.' Truly.

What's even worse than that is when someone blocks you and you haven't even spoken to them.  So, not only can I see that you have viewed me, but then it's followed up by a block.  A definitive statement that says, "I no likey you."  They could simply just overlook me, but they wanted to make sure I was out of their match zone.  Harsh.  In the end, I don't really care, because they are clearly not the person I'm supposed to end up with, but it is a little shock to the ego, you know?

Then there are those guys you see and think, "WOWZA, he's great!," and send a message, but that message never gets answered.  Or you're talking to someone and then the messages just stop - after which you're left to contemplate where exactly you went wrong.  An internal conversation like this usually happens after: 'What did I say?  Was it my extended speech on the quality of programs on PBS and AMC?  Or maybe it was my habit of using already overused catch-phrases? I would ask, but we all know I'm not going to do that.  Blerg.'

Even with all those negatives, online dating simplifies everything in general.  You don't have to ask yourself if someone you just met thinks you're dateable.  If someone is interested, it's uncomplicated: he just send me a little message.  If he doesn't, at least I haven't spent countless hours of my life (and my friend's lives, recounting stories to them) wondering if he 'like likes' me.  It's non-confrontational, informal and laid back.  I kind like/love it.

Also, I'm sure it's going to give me great stories for the blog.  You're welcome in advance.

~j

In The Land of Blood and Thirty

Today is my 30th birthday. 

Yay?

I'm excited because birthdays can be fun and I have the distinct feeling that is one is going to be extra great.  On the other hand, I'm getting a little bit contemplative.  I had this idea of what my life might look like at 30 when I was younger and nothing is really like I thought it would be, but that's not necessarily bad.  There is a reason why my life is like it is and am I ever grateful for that.

I woke up this morning feeling no different, but the fact is guys, I'm really getting old.  It's true.  I'm not young anymore.  I mean, I still feel young-ish, but I'm an actual responsible adult and choices I make now are typically thought out and premeditated.  When I was younger I didn't give a care!  Now, I think about the consequences and rewards.  When did I become this person?  I guess somewhere between 20 and 30 I actually learned something that resembles maturity. 

I drew up a list of things that are different now that I'm 30 from when I was 20:

• I'm not able to stay up late and wake up early like I did in college.  (Well, the afternoon naps really helped with that ability, I must say!)  I can't function the next day.  I'm miserable until I get to go to sleep, which is usually at about 9:00 p.m..
• Speaking of going to bed early, I do that now.  A lot.
• And I nap, not out of laziness or staying up late, but out of necessity.
• I don't care what people think about me.  I like me.  I am pretty awesome.  If you don't feel the same, that's really your problem to deal with, not mine.  (And I mean that in the most gracious of ways.)
• I'm unapologetic about my beliefs.  God is amazing and does incredible things in my life everyday; I'm never going to be quiet about that.
• I'm way more willing to try new things.  
• I'm much cuter now.
• No, really.  Much cuter.
• I'm lumped into a older age bracket.
• Creepy old men don't leer at me as often.
• I have winkles, legitimately use eye cream and worry about fine lines.
• I get heartburn. From: Just. About. Everything.
• I worry about my cholesterol.
• When I like an article of clothing, I actually think "is this age-appropriate?"
• My dreams are more realistic.  Instead of daydreams about becoming a great singer/songwriter or meeting/marrying Luke Perry, my visions are of paying off my school loans and buying a hybrid car.

I can't say that any of those changes are bad.  They are just my way of developing into a slightly better version of who I was before.  Well, hopefully I'm better.  I'm more confident and, as a result, happier.  I don't like the fact I have to check a new age range box, but it happens to everyone.  All children grow up. 

In fact, being the youngest in my new group feels pretty good - it also means I may be able to actually win something in a race now!  (Honesty moment: Let me tell you something, racing against nubile 21 year olds is not good for your self-esteem.)

I'm looking forward to the challenges and celebrations that this year brings and being able to share that with all of you.

~J   

Did I Do That?

Remember those cards that my friend gifted to me?  Well, I bucked up and actually gave one out. 

(I think I just heard an audible gasp...) 

I was leaving a baseball game (natch, 'cause what else do I do these days?) and decided just to be bold and give a card to this guy that had been sitting near me at the game.  I didn't know him, but he laughed at my lame jokes and that was good enough for me.  After joking with a friend about how he wasn't going to call because he thought I was probably a major weirdo, I got a text from the guy. 

WHAT?!?!?!  HE ACTUALLY TEXTED??!!? These things might really work! 

I was proud of myself, for many reasons.  I actually took some initiative and put myself out there and nothing bad happened.  And even if he didn't text or call, I didn't lose anything.  I learned a little bit and gained a little bit of confidence.  I felt the realization that I can totally do this whole dating thing come over me.

I can feel you asking, "What about the guy? What happened?"  Well, he ended up being from Montana or Idaho or another one of those states with a population of 4, so it wasn't going anywhere.  He also was extremely interested in ONE thing and, well, that certainly wasn't on the table. 

Sidenote: I did pause to think about how giving out a card looked, after this instance...was it too forward?  Do I look like I'm ready "for a good time"?  Cause I really don't want a "good time," I mean, THAT kind of good time.  A good time, like, eating a yummy meal and playing mini-golf or shopping, is okay and actually a good time.

After this mild success, I felt up to the challenge of handing out a card or two.  I happened to go on a little trip with some of my besties last weekend and those cards were burning a hole in my pocket.  We went out for dinner for a birthday celebration and there was a group of guys behind our table.  I noticed a cute little nerd in group and thought, "I'm going to give that dork a card!" And I did. I cut a piece of birthday cake, put the card on the plate and took it over to him.  He sent me a text or two, but I wasn't sweating it.  I was too focused on the fact that I am, in fact, amazingly awesome.  I've started to believe in myself so much that approaching someone isn't scary, it's just fun.

Watch out kids, Jeana's back in town and she has some cards to give away.

~j