It's been a while since my last post, I know, but life has been busy. Between work, friends, family, personal obligations and pumping up my running schedule, I don't have a lot of time to spare. And I'm NOT complaining - I love it! My life is really full these days.
With my life being so busy, I commented aloud to a friend about how I couldn't even find time to have a date, much less have a boyfriend. At some point, I started to think about what would happen if I tried to actually date someone. As in, really trying to have a legitimate relationship. How would I ever fit them into my already packed life? Do I even have time to invest in a relationship right now? I feel like I don't have a lot of time for myself, so where would I carve out time for someone else?
I asked myself about 17,000 variations of those questions before I came to the conclusion that if something is important to you, you make time for it. It's pretty simple that way. If someone comes into my life that is just amazing, why wouldn't I make the effort to spend time with me? It's silly to think I would do otherwise. Would I really let someone great get away, simply because I have to run one less day a week? No, of course not.
I'm really selfish with my time right now - but it's because I can be. I can do what I want to, when I want to and not have to feel guilty about it. I don't have to run my plans by anyone, I don't have to schedule around someone else's plans, I don't have to consider anyone but myself. It's kind of awesome, I must say. At the same time, it gets a little old doing everything by yourself. There has to be a balance.
What occurred to me a little later is that I may be hiding behind the fact that I'm so busy in an effort to try and avoid dating. If I'm too busy, I don't have to enter into the competitive dating world fully. I can just blame the fact that I don't have anyone important in my life on my active schedule. Being too overcommitted is something that people understand! The excuses just go from there: How could I ever fit in one more thing? It's understandable that I want to wait for everything to settle down before adding another piece to the puzzle. And it's only fair to the person I might date - they need me to be present! I'm just making up more reasons not to try.
If I'm serious about finding a partner, I have to be a partner. I should be able to make time for someone easily, especially if they go to the trouble to making time for me. It's a give and take - I can't just take and expect that everyone is going to give (even though that would be nice, right?). I can't hide behind the fact that I'm busy to save myself from having to put myself out there. If they're worth me shuffling around my commitments, I'll know it. Until then, I'm doing what I want, because, well, I can.
~j
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