The Let-Down

I've got to be honest, the past two weeks have been chock full of bummers and gnarly happenings.  It just seems like when I think the bad stuff is done, it starts anew.  I know I'm not the only one to feel this way either.  Putting it in perspective though, it's not half of what some people have to deal with and I should be grateful for that.  Right?  Right.  I just need to get over the hump.

The good news is I've learned a few things and I'm feeling pretty good about life.  The only thing that remains on my plate?  Having to have a real, actual conversation with someone about how I'm not interested in dating them.

I've tried dropping hints, talked about going on other dates, referred to him as a friend and nothing has dissuaded him. (Now, I can't blame him for that, of course. It is ME he's going after.)  I've never been in this situation before.  I'm not even sure where to start.  How do you say something like to someone?

Here's a little background about the situation without giving too much away:

He's a friend of a friend and he's really, incredibly nice.  Like REALLY nice.  He's successful, is stable and is pretty fun to be around.  We had been talking, but I never got the inclination that he was interested in me in that way.  (I was totally fine with that, by the way, because I wasn't really attracted to him.)  It wasn't until last week when we hung out that I got the feeling he would like to hang out as more than friends.  The clue?, I can hear you ask.  Oh, just the fact he kept giving me little touches. And HE TRIED TO KISS ME.  I did a quick side-step, side-hug move that prevented him from the bullseye (i.e. my face), but it was a close one kids.  Too close.

I know what you're thinking - Jeana, you said he was nice!  He has a great job!  And a house!  Well, gentle reader, that means bupkis if you aren't romantically interested in the person.  It really is too bad, but that is the way it is.  I really tried to see myself with this guy and just couldn't.  It's the classic 'good on paper' scenario: he's fantastic and perfect in list form, but he's just not my person. 

While I would just like to pretend this issue isn't really an issue, the fact remains I have to say something.  It's unkind not to at this point.  I don't want him to feel like he's been led on (something I am NOT doing) and I definitely don't want him to waste his time.  I really do want to be friends with this guy and that can't happen if I keep letting this drag out. 

These days, it seems like we just let situations like this just drag on and on.  There's a way to tell someone that you just aren't interested without being callous or uncaring. 

But it's not just that fear of having to have a conversation about real stuff that prevents us from talking about it, is it?  No, it isn't.  We also like the attention, even if it's from the wrong person.  It's nice having someone pay you a compliment, it boosts your ego a little to know that someone out there wants you.  It's natural to like that, but at some point it's cruel.

I don't want to be mean, but I don't want to hide behind the idea that telling him he's barking up the wrong tree is unkind.  (I'll probably phrase that differently, just FYI.)  This non-confrontational gal is going to have to buck up and be totally honest.  I think I'm going to say exactly what I would want someone to say to me.  I also think I'll probably want to throw up.  Sure, it may be uncomfortable for me, but in the long run it's better that I'm just forthcoming. 

Wish me luck.
~j