Taylor Swift Teaches Us How NOT To Date

T. Swift pretty much has it made.  She's in the middle of a booming music career, she's young, she's pretty, she's got a good work ethic and she seems really nice.  She's kinda awesome. 

But, Taylor Swift stinks at dating.

Let's really think about it: she's 22 and has had more relationships in the past 4 years than I have had my whole life.  She moves from one guy to another and seems to hitch her heart on everyone one of them, regardless of their level of interest to her.  It's a recipe for disaster.

When you attach yourself so easily and earnestly to every guy that finds you the tiniest bit interesting, you are setting yourself up for major and consistent heartbreak that is unnecessary.  I'm not suggesting that people hold each other at arm's length all the time, but there is something to be said for actually dating someone.  You go out together and get to know each other before making a commitment with your heart.

I won't act like I haven't been guilty of getting too involved too soon, because who hasn't?  I know, however, how to back up a little bit and take it slow.  That, I think, is a crucial thing Taylor hasn't figured out yet.  In fact, she does the complete opposite.  I find her a little smothering.  Exhibit A: SHE BOUGHT A HOUSE ACROSS THE STREET FROM HER NEW BOYFRIEND.  Awkward.  Who does that?  What if (read: when) you break up?  Are you just going to causally sell the house or will you still go and stay there?  Maybe you'll take your newest boyfriend there to show off to the old one. 

Taylor is famous for taking her heartaches and turning them into songs, like any modern songwriter.  While I can't fault her for that, I find the way that she does it terribly annoying.  There are thinly veiled clues to the men that she's dated in her songs.  And by thinly, I mean direct references to those guys.  There are songs that are named after a particular man.  A CD with a liner that provides hints as to who the song is about.  It's mean.  She's kind of a bully in that way.  Break up with Taylor Swift and you can bet that there will be song written about you in no time.

I'm going out on a limb and say that maybe TS is a little insecure.  She needs a guy in her life to tell her that she's pretty/smart/great/amazing.  I don't know her, of course, but it seems like this is the case.  And she's not alone in this desire - she's just doing it in front of an audience of millions.

I hope that watching how Taylor pretty much fails at dating gives young girls (and adult women, for that matter) pause to think.  You can have everything - fame, money, adoration - and still be unsure about yourself.  That lack of confidence isn't going to be resolved by having a relationship.  You don't have to give your heart away like it's a free pen at a bank.  Not every guy that pays attention to you is worthy of your time.  Your value doesn't come from having the title of girlfriend.  You're every bit as incredible as Taylor Swift is - just don't date like her.

You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog is About You (But This Time It Is)

Some guys are pushy.  I am not a big fan of pushy people, but I really can't stand guys who are overly forceful.  I'm totally okay with someone being a little, teensy bit forward and showing their interest, that's completely understandable.  I don't, however, enjoy when a guy gets insistent about being affectionate, becomes forceful about moving quickly or gets sensitive when I say something innocuous.  I had a recent experience with someone like this - we'll call him Tweetenstein.

Basically, everything started out decently.  We chatted a little through emails one day and when he asked for my number the same day, I didn't think twice about it.  I thought he was just interested (and let's be honest, who wouldn't be?) and went for it.  I was actually kind of impressed.  I'm so chicken about being the one doing the chasing anyway and he was doing all the work.  Cut to late that night; I'm in bed, ready to head off to dream land and he tries to Facetime with me.  I decline, saying I'm all set to go to sleep and a few minutes later he tries again.  Persistent, I thought, not a terrible quality. 

The next day, Tweetenstein was blowing up my phone with texts, followed me on Twitter and asked me to hang out that night.  I couldn't because I was going to a baseball game*, but I wasn't sure if I really wanted to anyway.  He was getting a little defensive when I said certain things and didn't really get my kidding nature.  I'd been there before, with someone who doesn't get my goofy side, and wasn't really looking to go back.  I agreed to go to lunch the next day.  A lunch that he showed up late for and left 20 minutes into because he had somewhere to go.  I decided not to hold that against him, but then the weirdness started.

He started to ask me if I didn't feel a spark at lunch.  He told me I wasn't being authentic because I didn't want to talk about intimate things.  He kept asking if I was interested.  Whoa.  This was too much.  I literally just met you and here you are, trying to act like I need to make a decision about you RIGHT NOW.  Slow down bro, we'll get there.  I told him to pump the brakes, that I felt pushed and didn't really hear from him after that, which I was totally okay with. 

Then I wrote a blog piece that was clearly not "about" anyone and yet he asked if it was about him.  What?  Uh, nah.  I don't know you, not really anyway.  A few days later, he commented on how cute one of my friends was (Sidenote: She is freaking adorable, but come on guy, really?) and I was gobsmacked.  Where was this kid's brain?

I've heard stories about girls who try to push guys into relationships and it rarely works.  In the beginning each person is getting to know the other and there shouldn't be a time limit on that.  I never really knew this guy and he was trying to get me to "be myself."  Dude, this is me.  I take my time.  No one is ever comfortable right away, you build to that. 

The great thing about this, though, is that I stood up for myself.  I was honest and told him I needed him to back up.  Yay on that.

~j

*Someone seriously needs to invite me to a baseball game.  I love baseball.  I'm a fun time.  Someone I know has free tickets.  At the very least, agree to go with me on a Tuesday.