What Is Wrong With You?

(Before I start today's entry can I admit something?  I can?  Good.  When I write these things, I almost always envision myself as Doogie Howser sitting at his early 90's computer, writing his diary.  Just had to get that out there.)

That admission may make what I'm about to say harder for me to defend, but so be it.  The guys I'm running into these days are weird.  And flaky.  And kinda jerky.  And don't realize how awful they sound.  It's a nice guy drought, y'all.  I must be going through the dating version of Death Valley.

Listen, I know I'm a little quirky, but I would consider myself a fairly regular person.  I'm not talking about only drinking almond milk or loving Dr. Who a little too much weird here - I'm talking about strangely acting, hot and cold, utterly unbelievable men. 

I know you're saying to yourself, 'Jeana, it can't be that bad! We know how you like to exaggerate for comedic effect.'  While the latter part is true, the fact remains that I've been surrounded by guys who don't think.  They started off as perfectly nice, interesting guys.  They ended up being good stories I can relate to you, so I guess someone wins here!

The Friend of a Not-So-Close Friend

I had this group of friends I was really close with until some of them moved away.  After the core people left, those of us left drifted apart a bit.  I kept up with everyone on Facebook (read: I stalked them when I was bored), but I never really saw them.  Interestingly enough, I got a random message from a friend of one of these "friends by association" one afternoon.  I knew a little about him, mostly bad stuff to be honest, but I decided to give him a chance because I would want people to do the same for me.  (The lesson here is I'm TOO nice and I should have listened to what people said.)

We started texting occasionally and I found myself a little interested.  One night invited me to hang out and I agreed, even though I had just gone running and looked a hot mess.  I plopped on some deodorant, put back on my work clothes and headed over.  One of his friends happened to show up and relayed some interesting information to me: this guy had just broken up with his girlfriend THAT VERY DAY. So, the whole time he was texting me, he had been dating someone.  Yup.  My feelings weren't hurt or anything, but I did think it was indicative of his character and it was a major turn-off.  Needless to say, I'm not interested in him anymore.

Mr. Chip on His Shoulder

I think the name gives it away, but this guy was so bitter about everything!  The World Series, his work schedule, his old job, his past loves - anything he could have a problem with, he did.  He told me he broke up with his girlfriend, WHO MOVED TO TOWN FOR HIM because he just didn't like her anymore.  I wasn't sure about this guy at all, but, again, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.   

Until I heard something that would make me think, where have I gone wrong in this life?  During a quick conversation one morning, he told me that he would maybe "add me to the list of people [he's] spoiling" that was "currently [a list] of two."  I'm sorry?  Were you trying to be cute here or did you actually just tell me that you have other women that you might be dating that you felt the need to inform me of?  I don't care that you're dating around - I mean, I am too - but is it really necessary for you to tell me that information?  No.  And it kinda makes you look like a jerk.

The Kid

I hesitated even writing about this one, because I know he occasionally glances at this, but I'm not going to let his possible reading prevent me from telling you guys.  Around my birthday I went on a few dates with this guy who's a little bit younger than me - hence the nickname "The Kid."  He seemed super nice, was terribly cute and seemed pretty into everything I had going on (although, I can't blame him on that part!).  The day after my birthday, he told me that he felt overwhelmed with our situation (mind you, we'd been on THREE dates) and that he couldn't see me anymore.  Now, this bummed me out, but those were his feelings and I'm not going to try to talk someone into or out of anything.  I just let it go and chalked it up to experience.

I moved on, but a few weeks ago he texted me and told me he had messed up.  I didn't want to be a jerk, so I had lunch with him, skeptical, but I understood where he was coming from.  He seemed to be more sure this time and the whole thing seemed romantic to me.  We started talking and hanging out a little and I was enjoying myself!  And what happened?  He bailed on me again.  He apologized and said he needed to get himself together.  Okay.  <-That was literally my response.  I'm confused on this one.  I'm not sure what happened, but I know it doesn't have to do with me.  And if it does, then I really need to adjust my self-perception.

My Conclusions

1. I must need to learn something, otherwise why would I be meeting these people?
2. I am entirely too nice.
3. I need to have a better filtering system.
4. I should have my friends pick out my dates, because they have to be able to do better than me.

~j

We Are Never, Ever, Ever, Ever Getting Together

I have a good friend - we'll call her Single Sally - who is a power dater.  She's the self-proclaimed "Queen of the First Date." She's open to going on dates with different guys to see if there is a spark, which I support.  There isn't anything wrong with going to dinner with someone you find vaguely interesting, is there?  As long as you don't give your heart away to every guy you meet, I don't see a problem with her mentality.  I appreciate girls like her who consistently put themselves out there, simply because it takes a lot of nerve. 

Because Sally is actively dating, she has quite a few stories.  Here is one that happened recently:

Sally happened by some fancy seats at a baseball game and I jumped at the chance to go, mostly because I hadn't ever been to the swanky section of the ballpark.  Also going was a guy Sally met online.  They hadn't met face-to-face yet, but he seemed interested in going to the game.  We would all meet and ride together because she had a parking pass. 

As I was getting ready, Sally was meeting her date (heretofore known as Loser Luke or LL) and started to give me a text play by play.  LL apparently had a friend sleeping off a hangover on his couch and left Sally to talk to him while he stepped into another room.  Loser Luke wasn't saying much to Sally at all.  I didn't see much hope for this guy, but I was willing to go along with it - for the sake of my friend and my one true love, baseball. 

I left the conversation to fix my always unruly hair and came back to find I had missed two calls from Sally.  There was also a text that read, "Call me as soon as you can."  I paused my hairspray ritual to call her back, only to find out that Loser Luke decided that he couldn't/didn't want to go to the game any longer.  Basically, she felt like she showed up, he saw her and then decided that he couldn't be bothered.  He gave her some lame excuse like he had a birthday party that night and needed time to get things together or something equally lame.  What. A. Jerk.  I mean, really?!?

Of course, Sally was upset.  I think anyone in that situation would have been.  We still went to the game though, because baseball is important.  During the game, Loser Luke texted to ask how the game was.  Excuse me?  No sir.  You don't get to bail on my friend and then try to be nice.  That's not how this works.  What nerve this kid had.

This weekend I had lunch with Sally and apparently LL has been texting her ever since then.  He sent her a message a few weeks ago asking what she was up to and after she responded she was making dinner, he said it was his birthday and she should make him something good.  Just this past Saturday, he suggested that she come over to visit.  My jaw was on the table!    

I couldn't believe it.  What the heck is wrong with this guy?  Someone ate lead paint chips when he was a kid.  You basically take a look at a girl, decide that she's not worth your time and then, later, try to get her to hang out with you.  This makes no sense.  Loser Luke is diluted.  Maybe there is some underlying story here I don't know.  It may have been that he didn't want to have their first date with me as a tag-along or he thought she was too pretty for him, but it's not like he said that.  LL has never apologized or even acknowledged what he did that day,  he's never said anything.

Usually, this is the point where I would go off about how there isn't anyone good left, but I'm not today. I won't start lamenting about the lack of quality people in the dating pool, because I know there are great single people available. (I'm really talking about myself here.) It maybe harder to find them, but they exist. (Again, that's about me.) 

In the end, we all have a Loser Luke story.  Someone who just stopped calling.  Someone who said they weren't ready for a relationship and then gets engaged a month or two later.  Someone who starts dating your best friend.  Someone you overhear talking poorly about you.  Dating is hard, but when you meet a great person, all the Loser Luke encounters have been worth it.

Also, I really hope that Sally never really dates Loser Luke or I'm going to be in trouble.

Happy Wednesday,
J

You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog is About You (But This Time It Is)

Some guys are pushy.  I am not a big fan of pushy people, but I really can't stand guys who are overly forceful.  I'm totally okay with someone being a little, teensy bit forward and showing their interest, that's completely understandable.  I don't, however, enjoy when a guy gets insistent about being affectionate, becomes forceful about moving quickly or gets sensitive when I say something innocuous.  I had a recent experience with someone like this - we'll call him Tweetenstein.

Basically, everything started out decently.  We chatted a little through emails one day and when he asked for my number the same day, I didn't think twice about it.  I thought he was just interested (and let's be honest, who wouldn't be?) and went for it.  I was actually kind of impressed.  I'm so chicken about being the one doing the chasing anyway and he was doing all the work.  Cut to late that night; I'm in bed, ready to head off to dream land and he tries to Facetime with me.  I decline, saying I'm all set to go to sleep and a few minutes later he tries again.  Persistent, I thought, not a terrible quality. 

The next day, Tweetenstein was blowing up my phone with texts, followed me on Twitter and asked me to hang out that night.  I couldn't because I was going to a baseball game*, but I wasn't sure if I really wanted to anyway.  He was getting a little defensive when I said certain things and didn't really get my kidding nature.  I'd been there before, with someone who doesn't get my goofy side, and wasn't really looking to go back.  I agreed to go to lunch the next day.  A lunch that he showed up late for and left 20 minutes into because he had somewhere to go.  I decided not to hold that against him, but then the weirdness started.

He started to ask me if I didn't feel a spark at lunch.  He told me I wasn't being authentic because I didn't want to talk about intimate things.  He kept asking if I was interested.  Whoa.  This was too much.  I literally just met you and here you are, trying to act like I need to make a decision about you RIGHT NOW.  Slow down bro, we'll get there.  I told him to pump the brakes, that I felt pushed and didn't really hear from him after that, which I was totally okay with. 

Then I wrote a blog piece that was clearly not "about" anyone and yet he asked if it was about him.  What?  Uh, nah.  I don't know you, not really anyway.  A few days later, he commented on how cute one of my friends was (Sidenote: She is freaking adorable, but come on guy, really?) and I was gobsmacked.  Where was this kid's brain?

I've heard stories about girls who try to push guys into relationships and it rarely works.  In the beginning each person is getting to know the other and there shouldn't be a time limit on that.  I never really knew this guy and he was trying to get me to "be myself."  Dude, this is me.  I take my time.  No one is ever comfortable right away, you build to that. 

The great thing about this, though, is that I stood up for myself.  I was honest and told him I needed him to back up.  Yay on that.

~j

*Someone seriously needs to invite me to a baseball game.  I love baseball.  I'm a fun time.  Someone I know has free tickets.  At the very least, agree to go with me on a Tuesday.

How I Became A Creeper

I'm not proud of what I'm about to share with you, but I'm being honest about my sad, non-dating life.  Also, I know that I'm not the only one that has done some variation of what I did, so that makes it easier.  Anyhow, the point is that I have transitioned into a mild version of a creepy, stalker-y type person.  I'm not sure when it happened, but it did and here I am, telling you about it. 

Ed note: I'm using the term "stalker" lightly.  It's not like I'm breaking into anyone's house and stealing their pillows or pictures, so calm down. 

One day, a few weeks ago I stopped into a drugstore to get a drink (yes, Diet Pepsi, duh) and there was this cute guy in line a few people in front of me.  My brain acknowledged his attractiveness, then was promptly distracted by the row of trashy magazines featuring every member of the Kardashian clan.  (Or should it be "klan"? I'm not sure.) 

A few days later at the gas station, I saw him filling up his car while I was doing the same.  "What a coincidence!," I thought, as I got into my car and drove off.

The next day I saw him running while I was out running/walking/huffing/puffing/slightly dying.  "Hmmm. That's funny," I contemplated. "He must live around here." 

That weekend, I saw him at the grocery store.  I checked his finger - ringless!  My internal dialogue started. "This is a sign!  I've seen him 3 times in 1 week, totally accidentally.  I should speak to him!  Oh crap, he's heading toward the door! Hustle girl!"   

And that's when it happened.  We checked out at the same time and headed to our respective cars.  We drove down the same street and turned into the same entrance to the neighborhood.  He went straight and I was about to turn down my street...then I lost control of my mental faculties and followed him.  He lived just down the street, in a house I run by all the time.  Fancy that.  I made the loop, came back to my house and sat, thinking about how close Scotty (he looked like a Scott) McHottie was to me.

Naturally, I jogged by his house everyday for the rest of the week.  I thought about what time it was the last time I saw him out and tried to make sure I went around that time.  I jogged up the street and back a few times in case I missed him somehow.  At this point, I'm fairly certain that the neighbors were all staring out their windows with their fingers poised over their phones to call 911 because they thought I was casing their houses.  I had, albeit inadvertently, become a stalker. 

What was I doing?  I had literally lost my mind.  I was purposefully putting myself in a position where I could run into him and pretend it was causal and intentional.  I was 2 seconds away from becoming that girl.  Blerg.  I ran my normal loop and went home, passing his house once more on the way back for good measure.

I haven't seen Scotty McHottie since that week, but that's cool.  I know where he lives.

~j

The Maybe Date

Of the many mysteries men keep, the Maybe Date is one of the greatest sources of confusion to single women.  A man asked you to "hang out" or wanted to know if you would go to a movie with about 40 of his closest friends or invited to come see him play at some venue or asked you to come to a friends' party with him, but never really distinguished if what you were doing was, in fact, a "date."  Where does this ambiguity come from?  Fear of rejection?  Lack of awareness?  Assumption that I know what you mean?  Determination to make me suffer as much as possible?

I am going on the dreaded Maybe Date tonight.  I have no idea if what we are doing is simply hanging out (which I'm okay with) or hanging out (which I'm also okay with).  Do I worry about what I look like or do I just wear a shirt, jeans and Chucks to make it appear I'm not trying too hard?  What if, in his mind, this is our first date and I show up super causal like I don't care?  A great first impression I'll give, I'm sure.  On the other hand, what if I make myself look presentable and he's dressed down?  I end up  one of those girls on a sitcom that doesn't get that she's not on a date, and boy, doesn't she look silly and boy, don't you just feel sorry for her.

This whole thing is giving me heartburn.  Dating is hard.

I just want some clarification.  Please guys, for all that is good and holy in this world, don't use the phrase "hang out."  I used to be ambivalent to that term, but all of my soul groans when I hear it.  "WHAT DO YOU MEAN???" says my brain.  If you're actually asking me out (I know, I know - longshot!), why don't you just let me know that you are interested in taking me out, one on one.  Otherwise, say something like, "Hey friend, you're fun.  Come to meet my other fun friends and we'll all be fun and friendly together."  I need specificity.

Is it really that hard? *le sigh*

Of course, I could just ask him, but where's the fun in that?

~J 

XBox and the Single Girl

As I get older I'm aging out of certain crowds.  Places I used to love to go to are full of annoying kids now.  At one time, I was (obviously) one of those annoying kids and now I'm complaining about them.  Music is too loud, people are too rude and girls don't wear enough clothing.  Now, please excuse me while I take my Metamucil and go to Denny's for the early bird special, because I'm clearly geriatric.  

The gap between where I am and where most 25 year old guys are is huge.  Staggering even.  Meathead is about this age.  Again, he's not exactly what I'm looking for, but he seems like a nice enough guy.  (He's also not too bad on the ol' peepers either.)  I was giving him a chance to win over my cold, decaying heart, because I'm a equal opportunity dater these days - you know, for the sake of the blog. 

Anyhow, during a text conversation* he mentioned that he wished we could hang out.  I said, and I quote, "That may be cool."  Sure, I was a little detached, but I didn't want him to lose his often-wandering train of thought.  He then asked me if I would like to hang out ("Sure, that sounds like fun."), what I would like to do ("Um, well, something fun?"), if I wanted to see him (Didn't I just answer that? "Sure, why not?"), if I would be okay with a casual date (Seriously? *le sigh* "Yup. I am a causal kinda of girl.") and finally if I would like to watch him play XBox.  I'm going to repeat that again, just to let you really take the journey with me - not play XBox WITH him, but WATCH him play.  Just sit and watch.  Are all 25 year olds like this?

This is me, owning a game.

Um, I'm sorry sir, but what?  I couldn't have read that text correctly.  Did you really just ask me if I would like to watch you play video games?? What kind of alternate universe have I stepped into?  I responded that I would most likely not watch him, but I might play with him.  He seemed to be astounded by this notion.  Has no girl ever shown an interest in playing before?  This girl likes first person shooters.  This girl is the master of Halo 2.  This girl knows Tekken and Mortal Combat like the back of her hand.  This girl does not want to sit and watch, I want to play.

The differences between Meathead and I became glaringly obvious about this time, extending far beyond our respective ages.  It could be possible that certain women just love sitting and watching their boyfriend play Modern Warfare (Please don't let this be true.  Please.), but that's just not me.  I want to involved.  I want to be an active participant, not an observer.  That's the whole reason I'm trying new things, dating different kinds people, taking on new responsibilities - I want to present and engaged.  I want to experience life with someone, not watch them live their life.

I eventually just stopped responding to Meathead's texts and he stopped sending them.  Either he got the idea or he got into a wicked Call of Duty session and hasn't come up for air.  Totally possible.

~J

*Yes, a whole conversation in text.  And he's fully capable of calling.  What is happening to the youth of America, I ask you?

Google Maps Is Apparently Hard to Use

I went out with some friends on Saturday and decided to invite this guy I've been chatting with for a little while. I thought, what could be a better first hangout time than getting together for a fun night with some cool-ish people?

A little backstory on this guy first - he's not stupid, but he's definitely not going to be accused of being the smartest person anyone's ever met.  Can I just mention here how much of a jerk I feel like saying that?  I probably will regret writing that actually.  (By the way, the air up here on my high horse is very nice.)  He's kind of a meathead; in fact, let's call him Meathead.  Meathead is also quite a bit younger than I am.  Anyway, Meathead is seems really sweet and nice, so I stopped looking down my nose at him and gave him a chance to prove me wrong. 

It might be worth mentioning here that he's rather...attractive.  (Don't judge me.)

So, I (after swallowing what little pride I have left and wringing my hands for about an hour) invited him and he actually said he thought that would be fun.  Yay!  I wasn't rejected.  I was getting excited to have a nice hang out time with this guy and even started mentally planning my attire for the evening, then the most curious thing happened.  Meathead asked where we were going and I gave him the name and location of where we would be.  Then, after about a half hour, Meathead said he didn't know about going because he "didn't know where" the place was.

I'm sorry, what?  Okay.  I know that when you haven't been to a particular place before, it can be confusing, but this person works with computers.  COMPUTERS.  AND THE INTERNETS.  I didn't know that pulling the map for some place was such a complicated task.  Meathead did ask me if maybe we could to hang out instead, on his side of town because he wanted to see me, but I politely declined.  I mean.

Oh Meathead, you're trying to impress me right now, you know?  A little effort, like MapQuesting, never hurt anyone.