Madness: A Rant About The Bachelorette

I've already written about my general hatred for The Bachelorette (you can find it here), but the ending of this season as GONE TOO FAR. I waited to write about it, mainly so I'd be less angry, but I'm still annoyed.  I was so furious and confounded that it has carried over for weeks.

Why am I so irate when I don't even watch the show, you ask?

Because Desiree Hartsock is making a GIANT mistake.  And young girls think that's ok.

Here's a quick recap for those not in the know:
Desiree was really into this one guy.  He was basically the only person she was interested in of the three guys she had left.  She was going to pick HIM.  She knew it, we knew, Chris Harrison knew it, the camera crew knew it - I think the only two who didn't were the other dudes.  It was obvious to anyone watching.

Then the unthinkable happened; after some soul-searching, the ONE left the show.  He said he couldn't propose to her, that he had to leave.  Desiree was devastated.  *cue sad music* She didn't know if she go on with the show, because her true love, her prince charming had left her. Her heart was shattered into a million pieces.

Luckily, she got it together enough to continue and accept another proposal from one of the two leftovers. OH GOOD.

And this, my friends, is my HUGE issue.  She was so certain that Guy A was THE ONE and when he left, he was easily replaced by The Backup.  She didn't hesitate to say yes.  WHAT THE WHAT?!?!?

Here is a girl who was yearning for this one particular guy, who thought that this guy was her soulmate, who almost couldn't go on AND YET she said yes to someone else when they proposed just 48 hours later.  I understand what it's like to want to be married, to have a husband and start a family, but I can assuredly say I would not say yes to someone simply because they asked.  Working under the pretense that you should say yes simply because you're asked is wrong, wrong, wrong.  Saying yes because you're desperate to be married is equally wrong.  I wanted to say,  "It's okay Desiree, you can walk away from the show single, I promise!"

I almost get her mentality.  Guy B (Backup/new Fiance) was nice, was really into her and he's not bad, so why not try it out and see if it works.  I'll tell ya why - because you're ENGAGED. That's weighty, man. That's a promise, an agreement, to marry one day.  That's pressure.  Who cares if he asked?  She could've said, "You know what? I'm not ready for this big commitment, but I didn't give you enough of my attention and I think you're pretty great.  Let's try dating and see what happens."  But, wait, I forgot, this is 'reality TV' and normal behavior is suspended.

In the end, I feel like she is going to hurt her new fiance.  She was so intent on having a good ending, she made one happen, possibly at the expense of this sweet, poetry writing guy.

A person can not, in real life, just jump from one intense relationship to another and have everything work out.  Yeah, yeah, I know you want to share exceptions, but I'm talking majority things here.  Your heart and mind can't flip like that.  On the reunion show, I felt as if the original THE ONE guy had asked her to marry him, she would have turned to the Backup and said, "Welp, it's been nice."  I think Backup/Fiance dude felt the same (at least his face looked that way).  It made me feel sad and uncomfortable for him and upset with her. 

Take some time between relationships.  Don't rush in.  Don't make big commitments when you know your heart hasn't had time to catch up.  Don't hurt people in order to make yourself feel good for the moment.  THINK.

Oh, and don't go on a reality dating show.

~j

How The Bachelorette is Ruining My Life

Ah, the Bachelorette is back.  What a premise this show has.  Let's be honest, who wouldn't want 25 handsome men who intend to date/marry you arriving at your doorstep?  That sounds like a fun time to me.  Really - it takes all the work out of the whole dating thing.  Someone went out, interviewed a crap ton of dudes, weeded all the candidates down and sent them directly to you.  Hel-lo!

Except that doesn't happen in real life.  Real life means you have to wade through all the bad ones to find the one good one, without the help of a producer.  There will never be, at any point in my life, 25 guys (or even 5 guys) vying for my attention.  I won't be whisked away to a tropical location for a few dates.  No one is going to propose to me because I chose them over another guy, after dating, then dumping two dozen men over the course of a few weeks.

The thing is that watching this show puts me in a frame of mind that creates these totally unrealistic expectations of how love goes and/or grows.  The show creates situations in which people force themselves to feel something for the other person.  They convince themselves they are falling in love, or something like it, something close to it.  This spells disaster, not only for them, but for the viewer too.  We begin to look at our own love life and think, "Um, I'm on my 4th date with this person and I like them, but should I be feeling something more?"  Love should grow in time, shouldn't it?  It isn't always fireworks right away.  It's bigger than that.  Love should be more than that. 

(To be fair, I've been in a situation where I felt completely connected with someone right away and there is something to be said for that overwhelming feeling of "Gah! This person is Just. So. Amazing!"  It's really great, that feeling.)

If I'm honest, I would be such an egomaniac if I was the Bachelorette.  "Look at me, being perused by all these super-hot dudes!  Oh, you're just watching TV?  Check it out - now I'm taking a helicopter ride over the Alps!  What are you doing? Oh, just working and doing laundry?  Oh.  Well, that's...cool."  I would be a jerk.  No one would like me.  I would be Brad.  No one likes Brad. 

But it would be a nice change to see some average, normal person be the Bachelor/Bachelorette.  When was the last time you saw a homely Bachelorette?  Never.  As I told someone the other day, I don't hide what I have NOT going for me.  At this point, you see what you're getting yourself into.  There isn't going to be some surprise when you come over and notice all my giggly bits because I'm Spanx-less.  You won't gasp because I forgot to put on fake eyelashes or undereye concealer and I have a gnarly zit making itself at home on my chin.  You see me for me - not me under the best of conditions. 

Maybe that's where the show misses the mark.  The people don't get to see each other in all circumstances, but only in the best locales, with full hair/make-up and perfect lighting.  Maybe Chris Harrison and company should have the season at regular house, with regular, not-so-beautiful people and the dates should be, like, to the movies or Chili's.  Now that, I would watch.