Lowered Expectations

I heard someone say once, "Don't anticipate, participate."  I've always thought that was a pretty great mantra to live by, because it prevents you from stressing out about how you think things should go.  If you spend all your time thinking about the way it should go and whatever it is doesn't follow that script, you become disappointed and that leads you to having a bummer time.  Who wants that?  Just take things as they come, don't expect a certain ending and have a good time!  Don't expect an ending.

Except, in dating, you should have expectations.  I'm not talking about "he's gotta have an important job/nice car/gone to an ivy league" requirements either.  You should expect that he's going to be nice, going to treat you well, going to make you important.  When did these expectations get lost?  Why are we tossing what we think we deserve to the side? 

I tend to expect less these days.  I take what guys I'm dating can give me and that's it.  I don't expect anything more for them, which really means I somehow don't think I deserve more.  Whoa, I totally just had an Oprah "A-ha" moment.  In reality, it isn't too much to ask for someone you're dating to be involved and engaged or to be around.  My wacky brain, however, thinks that is putting too much pressure on the relationship and that I should just take what I can get, whatever time they have for me.  What an awful way of thinking.

I hate the word "settling."  Despise it really, but sometimes we do settle for fear of being all alone.  Being alone, in a word, sucks.  Even if you have thousands of friends, there still isn't someone to come home to, someone to share your whole life with and that's scary.  You shouldn't settle for a person who doesn't value you or doesn't make an effort.  (BUT!, just because the guy you're dating isn't going to make 6 figures doesn't mean you are settling.  If he's kind, cares about you and wants to do right by you, who gives a flying flip that you're not going to live in a super swanky neighborhood or drive a luxury SUV?)

Having expectations for a person you are dating to be generous with their time (within reason) or to simply want to be around you isn't a bad thing.  There's isn't a reason that you shouldn't think that way.  Everyone deserves someone that makes them a priority, not just another thing to cross off their list.

~j