What Happens When I Take A Chance

I have a boyfriend. 

(Again.)

Let me preface this relationship update with a story about how I got to this point:

When I started this blog, I told myself I was going to try things I wouldn't have normally.  I was going to allow myself to break out of this little shell I've created.  I was going to give new people a chance.  I was going to really have fun. 

I was lying.

My heart was still healing from my break-up and I never gave myself time to process.  Instead, I threw myself headfirst into a sea of confusing dating rituals - the kind I never had gotten a handle on in the first place.  Bad move?  Maybe, but the funny thing is I learned something.

I met a great guy (Mr. Wonderful) a few weeks ago.  He's smart, sweet, kind, determined and likes all my annoying quirks...well, he likes them now anyway.  I kinda kept myself from liking him as much as I felt like I did because there was a part of me that felt like I didn't deserve having someone that awesome in my life.  I had a lot to do before I was good enough for him, so I kept him at arm's length as much as I could.

And the idea I wasn't good enough extended far beyond Mr. Wonderful, into other parts of my life that affected how I felt about nearly everything.

Then God spoke truth in my life.

I went on a trip with some teens for my church and God used every moment to remind me that what I was allowing myself to have was so much less than what He wanted for me.  I was settling for a life that could be made great, if I would simply trust that He made wonderfully and He never makes mistakes.  He was constantly trying to bless me and I was too ashamed to let Him, too scared to acknowledge the amazing things He is continuously doing in and through me.  God made me good enough for anything, for everything and His love will see me through all things.

Whoa.  My mind was blown.  I was pushing away everything that God was giving me - job opportunities, new responsibilities, the kindness of my friends and family - because I didn't think I was deserving, and yet, He thought I was.  He thinks I am.

So, why not take this chance and allow someone good, generous and kind to come into my life, especially when we have so much fun together?  If it does work (and, ever the optimist, I hope it does), then I haven't lost anything.  If it doesn't, surely I will learn something from it and be better for it.

Don't worry - I'm not going to stop blogging, but I'm sure it's going to change a little bit.  Hopefully you guys will stick around and see "What Happens When I Have A Boyfriend."

With affection,
J