I was speaking to a friend of mine last week who reads the blog and she commented on how much she appreciated my post on being hopeful in the face of a break-up. She said that I was a romantic. That's not me at all, I thought, but it made sense. Her observation might just be true.
When I end something with someone, I want to clear out everything that reminds me of them. I want all traces gone. (Honestly, do I need to see a picture of us at a concert that he didn't even want to go to every time I log in to Facebook? No. I don't even need to see old text messages - so, let's get rid of those too. In fact, let's just delete your number too, in case I'm having a bad day next month and can't resist the urge to call you.) I know not everyone feels this way, but it helps me refocus, heal and move on. I've always thought this approach was harsh, but totally necessary.
Because of this, I always assumed I was a little jaded and kind of cold. However, in the recent months I figured out I'm the opposite of all that.
I love love. I love dopey TV/movie moments when the characters you knew were going to get together finally get together. I love when people find each other. I sigh (usually audibly) when I see two people who genuinely love each other. I get giddy watching love happen. I get dreamy when I see sweet old couples. I love when love wins. I believe in love completely. Maybe my old heart is actually full of romance instead of the optimistic label I always give it.
I've never been accused of being romantic or idealistic, but maybe that's what I've been all the time. I know that where there is a heart willing to care, love can happen. In spite of wanting to clear out old memories, I fully trust that there are new memories to be made. Maybe that makes me romantic after all...
~J
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