Single Girl Syndrome

I am a part of a generation that is cynical.  We question everything.  We want to see what people's intentions really are, how far they are willing to go for us.  In relationships it translates into something we might expect from a romantic comedy.  We're waiting for the one that gives us the "big gesture", proof that we're worth someone going to extreme lengths for us.  A part of me wants someone to do something outrageous and, yet. I don't.  I think I've figured out where I'm going wrong here...

I've had a few boyfriends over the years and not a single one of them has done anything over the top for me.  There could be a lot of reasons for this: 1. They're idiots (in some cases, likely), 2. I don't deserve it (HIGHLY UNLIKELY, as I am worth my weight in platinum), 3. They weren't inclined to do those things (pretty likely) or 4. I laughed off all their attempts at being cute/sweet/romantical (ding, ding, ding!).

Don't get me wrong, I love love.  I love seeing old couples smiling at each other and holding wrinkly hands.  I love my married friends who appreciate each other.  I love seeing people fall in love.  I love the whole thing!  It melts my frozen, hard heart.  What I'm not good at though, is accepting those declarations of love or affection.  It could be a cultural phenomenon for aspiring hipsters such as myself, but I find myself laughing off those really sweet, sincere acts from guys.  (Yes, I'm that skeptical of someone doing something nice for me.)  Hello!  If I do that, these guys aren't going to want to try to make me feel special again.  Duhz.  Just say thank you for Pete Campbell's* sake.

I know I'm not alone here.  I call it Single Girl Syndrome.  I, like many other women, talk myself into believing certain things, because thinking that way is easier.  I say, "Ugh, flowers are such a waste of money," even though I would love to get some.  I say, "Oh, we don't have to make [insert important occasion] a big deal," when I want it to be the biggest deal ever.  I say, "You can't make it? Oh, no worries," and proceed to have a meltdown because I was looking forward to whatever we planned on doing.  We say these things because we don't want to be disappointed, but what's wrong with a little expectation?  A little hope?  A little belief in love? 

Instead of accepting the attention, I toss it away.  Instead of saying what I mean, I try to buffer my feelings.  In an effort to self-perserve, I act like I didn't really care about it.  I'm not being honest with myself or other people.

I'm officially making a stand against this way of thinking today.  Feel free to buy me flowers or tell me I'm beautiful, boys.  I'll just smile my best Miss America smile and say thank you, because, well, I deserve your attention.

~J

*Mad Men reference. If you're not watching the show, you should. If you don't like it, I'm not sure why we're friends.