Friday, May 11, 2012

When Stalkers Text: An Actual Transcript

(Ed Note: This is a verbatim conversation between me and my stalker, McStalkerson.  [He is not an actual stalker, obvs, he is simply an overzealous suitor.  If he was a stalker, I would be hiding in my house with all the lights off texting one of you to come help me.] I've left all misspellings and grammar errors alone, so you can sincerely take the journey to Crazytown with me. )

[Scene opens on our heroine, folding her sheets.]

McStalkerson: Hey girl.  what you doin'?

Me: Hiya. Nothing much. Laundry.

McStalkerson: Been thinkin' about ya

Me: Oh, yeah? That's interesting.

McStalkerson: Interesting??? lol  been thinkin' 'bout how your doin'. 

*A few minutes go by*

McStalkerson: so how are ya lol

Me: I'm pretty good, thanks.

*3 minutes elapse*

McStalkerson: that's it then? lol

Me: What's it?

McStalkerson: Your just pretty good?

Me: Yup. As good as it gets.

McStalkerson: ???  whats that? lol

McStalkerson: when are you free to talk

*10 minutes go by*

Me: Aren't we talking right now? 

McStalkerson: lol such a smart alex. i mean, so we can talk talk

Me: Um, I think your version of talking and my version of talking are a liiiiittle different.

McStalkerson: lol i luv how funny you are.
McStalkerson: really think your great
McStalkerson: really want to see you soon

Me: ...

McStalkerson: srsly
McStalkerson: ???
McStalkerson: nothin' to say to that huh?

*1 day later*

McStalkerson: so really, when do i get to you see you??

[End scene]


3 comments:

  1. So i wonder if when he said, "??? Whats that?" Was he implying that he's never been as good as it gets, or if he was wanting to know what was making your life so good... Like maybe he thought it was another guy!! Either way I find that response weird, along with the rest of it. Where do you find these guys??

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    Replies
    1. This is why, Sarah, you guys need to act as my matchmakers. I clearly need help weeding out the weird one.

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  2. The weird ones make for good blog entries. Keep 'em coming :)

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